We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
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