I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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