Applied 4 a nanny job usin a Legit Site. Xplain to me how the couple I found offered me a 3some complete with 'sexy pics' of the wife blowin hubby. wtf?
obviously you're part succubus.
so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
