What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
