I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
You may now shotgun with the bride
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
