Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
