I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Randomize
