Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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