Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
