idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Randomize
