I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
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