I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Oh. My. God. Dad smoked a bowl. He's been playing cards...I just told a story and when I was done, he got really close to my face and very seriously asked me if he had cheese in his beard. I'm about to die.
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
