if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
