the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
