just survived the first fart of the relationship.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
