There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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