Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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