haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
