in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
