Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
