watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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