if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
