i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize