Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
