You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
