Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
