just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
