He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
