so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
