you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Randomize
