Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
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