Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
