Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
