I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
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