just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I feel like I'm pretty optimistic for a girl that might be pregnant.
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
