i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
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