I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Randomize
