4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
