I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
