i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Randomize
