his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
