I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Randomize
