Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
