Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
