i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
