what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
