Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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