Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
