Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Randomize
