gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
