no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Randomize
