Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
