You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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