a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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