Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Randomize
