is your mom at the bar?
I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Oh yea... In other news I've decided to get an external hard drive and start getting music from all the guys I'm fucking... Do you think a terabyte would be enough storage space?
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
