Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
