Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
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